yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
God I need to hump something, right now.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
