i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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