eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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