Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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