i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
worst night to have a conscience
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
