after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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