We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
