just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Randomize
