im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
