You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
