i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
This is the high leading the old right now
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
