But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
