you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
