So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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