You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
