we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
