Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
