Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
she woke up with a sticky ear
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
