One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
