3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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