She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
