I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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