she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
We need a shit load of segways right now
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
