Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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