Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
