you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
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