If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Randomize
