My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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