It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
