you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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