Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
