If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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