I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
