I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
