OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Acid is not a monday night drug
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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