This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
