Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I didn't notice because vodka
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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