i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
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