He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
