Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Randomize
