The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
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