she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
