Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
