What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
we should paint friendship bongs
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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