I like my sex mixed with concussions.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
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