We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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