so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
