wrigley field is MILF paradise
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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