So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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