if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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