The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
