dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
